Opinionated
by LeoOsaka Bakura's stalker
Summary: Ever want to know what Yami Bakura thinks of everyone else? Well here ya go! Warning for character bashing and morbid, violent Bakura swearing XD COMPLETE!
1. Prologue!

_Leo: Okay to start this is NOT my opinion. I love some of these characters, so the character bashing is not me! It's Bakura I tell you XD Well this fic is made so you can see what Bakura REALLY thinks about people XD ENJOY! Warning for incessant swearing XP_

**Prolouge**

It is I the great and wonderful Bakura, king of thieves! What exactly am I doing? Hell I'm really not sure. I stumbled upon hikari's computer. And i'm telling you it took me ten minutes just to type that. Damn Japanese keyboards. Damn keyboards in general. Of course in my perpetual boredom I've decided I'd make a little note of my opinion of youdunshi's friends.

Why? Do you ask? Because I'm fucking bored...Hikari is at that school place. Trying to learn. And there's only so many times I can play Pokemon before I get tired of it. Yes I've just admitted to playing Pokemon. So fucking sue me. It's a good game. It's just the TV show and card game that lacks...Besides, that's the only game hikari showed me...So it's not entirely my fault. But damn it that's besides the point.

Ah yes, the point was I'm going to tell you plain and simple just what I think of everyone! Unlike my hikari I won't sugar coat it! And if you're under thirteen, or cursing is like taboo to you, I'd leave. Because as hikari puts "I curse like a fucking banshee sailor". I added the fucking part though, cause hikari wouldn't say that...Neh, goody goody.

Though some people, coughryuuzakicoughhagacough, will not be mentioned because they're like not worth my bitching. Like Shuzuka, or what ever that bitch's name is. I know she's related to Jounouchi...I think she's a retard. And should have been pushed off a cliff in that spiffy wheel chair she was sporting when her eyes were bad.

Gah! This is not what this is for this is merely my introduction! It's so easy for me to get off track, my bad. Eeek...That's sounds odd on me, I won't say 'my bad' ever again...

Okay well on to my first victim! Yugi! The little snot.

xxx

_Leo: I've already written this entire fic out. And it's only like 15 chapters (I don't remember) But for those of you waiting for me to update other things, this WILL NOT get in the way of those, so don't like kill me or anything ;>>_


	2. Yugi

_Leo: Like I said CHARACTER BASHING!_

**Yugi**

Ah yes Yugi. The big hearted migit that ends up being friends with street punks that tried to A. steal his puzzle and B. kick his ass...Hmm...that's like so smart Yugi! Little brat. He needs to be more viscious...And MUCH less of the 'we can do anything, shit, because we're friends'. Yeah I'd like to see you take on a semi-truck at full speed and win BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS are uspporting you! You can't do EVERYTHING!

For instance, one proof you can to everything, Yugi. You have to be nay tall to ride a roller coaster. Oop you failed! NEXT!

And MY GOD! How to people look at him with those huge obnoxious CUTESY eyes and not want to slam their head in a door? Hell I know I do! Actually I want to slam his head in a door. But that's not the point. It involves a fucking head and a fucking door! DEAL with it! You picky sons of bitches!

Oh and THAT hair! Though Yugi's not the only guilty one, but I have MUCH more to say about PHARAOH at a later date. I want to know how tall Yugi is exactly? When I was a kid puberty hit at around 11 or 12...maybe even 13. This kid's what 15 or 16 and he's yet to reach it? And if he has then pity on him! He's like a fucking 8 year old!

BY the way Yugi it looks like your dad fucked a rainbow. Maybe that's why your hair is bigger than you are. Oh was that a bad hair joke? It wasn't supposed to be a joke you silly dumbass. It was a simple fact.

Another thing why does Yugi's clothes seem to fit both him and his yami JUST fine. Even though Yami gets bigger by like 8 sizes? You'd think they'd be either baggy on Yugi or tight on Yami, but I really don't see that much of a difference. Their clothes still look stupid, but I suppose it can't be any worse than that blasted sweater hikari wore...God, now I wanna smack myself for letting him wear it.

Okay so final evaluation:

Yugi's a migit snot, with stupid hair and preaches about friendship as if it's a GOOD thing.

THE END

OKay maybe not...

xxx

_Leo: Well I hope that brought SOME amusment to you lovely reader !_


	3. Yami

_Leo: Please don't get mad at me for bashing these characters XD It's all in good fun! And to the one who asked me to bash Anzu all up, don't you worry! I will X3_

**Yami**

Yami a.k.a. pharaoh that I hate so much. I have very many reason to hate this man, if you could call him that.

First he WILL not let me steal his puzzle! I mean geeze! All I want to do is plunge the world in perpetual darkness! What's so wrong about that! And his luck is just fucked up! How is it that my stretegies are ALWAYS perfect and yet by some miracle of a chance, on the last possible turn he draws that ONE card he needs to defeat me! Like at battle city! That's SO messed up! If he didn't have that god card he'd have lost! God cards are like not fair to use! Only three in the world! That's cheating!

I would have beat him ALL Of those times! I'm as a result the better duelist! And he has nerve to call me a soul stealing bastard. OKay maybe he didn't say it but I know he's thinking it! But this is coming from the same man who destroyed a good portion of souls himself! At least I eliminated my victims immediately. He liked to drive them insane! Yeah we're even now you dick head.

Pharaoh my ASS! You were pharaoh for a whole fucking day before I came and ruined your happy reign! Great pharaoh! Bah! What a joke!

And you and that DAMN magician! Mahaado was so up yur ass it wasn't funny! Actually I'm surprised you didn't have a limp! And that was not meant as a sexual joke, but damn it all I wouldn't be surprised...Yeah, he sacreficed himself to save you and all that happy friendship shit! To become what? The Dark Ma-fucking-gician? Even that card is weak! And he was supposed to be the strongest! BAH! I'd be more afraid of Shaada sticking that Key up my ass and twisting it. Hell that'd be one way of unlocking my soul...I should mention that I just shuddered and contemplated puking.

But seriously pharaoh, you are such a pompous ass! Your father destroyed my soul and metaphorically grinded glass into my heart. You really think I'd let his pride and joy live in happiness? FUCK NO! You think the world is a happy place with friends! BAH! Happy is me closing a car door on your head and driving through town like a mad man!

But alas, I shall wait. And one of these day. Don't be surprised if you turn around and see a metal baseball bat flying at high speeds into your face.

Conclusion:

Ain't it fucking obvious? I hate the bitch!

On to the next loser!

xxx

_Leo: By the way Under Finger and Thumb, please email me so I can send you the info for the journal thing! Yugi is yours:3_


	4. Jounouchi and Honda

_Leo: I should have mentioned before but there ARE spoilers in this fic! So if you haven't seen the series some of this may not make sense, this is including the very first season too. Alo characters may be paired up if Bakura deems them unworthy of an entire chapter of their own. This is Bakura writing not me >.>_

_Oh and I'm using the japanese names!_

**Jounouchi and Honda (Joey and Tristan)**

Jounouchi! The stupid punk ass brat who makes blondes look incredibly stupid...Of course I don't like him! He does that 'we're all friends and nothing can stop us' bit.

Honda, the OTHER punk that fell asleep in a corner and his head got stuck that way. He plays absolutely no role in anything and his best card didn't even have a 1000 attack points...I'd HATE to see his deck. I said DECK people, I know it sounds wrong, but I said deck not DICK! Though I wouldn't want to see that either...

The two of them are like yingfuck and yangfuck. Both stupid. Both in need of being hit by a car. And to think Yugi likes these two pukes. Though I can't really see why.

I mean hell Honda almost got my hikari killed by breaking into private areas of Pegasus' castle! Dumb fuck. And Jounouchi, well Jounouchi's too stupid to concoct something of any level of intellegence. Kaiba was right to call him a mutt.

If I wanted a friend that smart, I'd go name a rock and carry him around with me. That'd be a smarter pet for sure! And at least his hair isn't like a health hazard...Honda's hair reminds me of like a torpedo. He he runs at top speed with his head down he may JUST hurt someone...

What's even worse is he's obsessed over that Shizuka chick. Who happens to be related to Jounouchi. Oh and I heard that Jounouchi's father treats him like shit and makes him pay bills. Good, you should beat your son too Mr. Jounouchi. I'd sponser it. Just like Nike sponsers Suicide! Just do it!

Shizuka as I've mentioned before is a loser. Honda wanting to date her makes him a bigger loser. Honda thinking she's pretty makes him just fucking pathetic. Otogi has a etter chance either way. Though he's stupid for the same reason Honda is, minus the hair bit.

Conclusion?

Both should be shot with BB guns at point blank, hung upside down by their feet and tortured with Anzu's dancing for three days or until they finally give into the Nike sponsered program. If you know what I mean.

xxx

_Leo: Hope that amused you :3!_


	5. Anzu

_Leo: you knew it was coming! The hate on Anzu chapter! Iborrowed an idea from Apocalypse Sakura for this one!_

**Anzu**

Anzu. Saying that makes me want to violently beat something. Or rip apart some random kid's stuffed animal, throw it at him, rip the kid apart, rip my hair out, tear off my clothes, smear ceremonial paint all over me, dance around a fire and sacrefice my self to the gods by blowing my brains out with a torpedo gun.

I HATE HER. She needs to die. In a gruesome, horrid, unimaginably destructive way. Why? Let me tell you why. A. she worships the Pharaoh. The man I hate with great fiery passions. B. She believes she's a good dancer. And finally the most annoying C. Her fucking friendship SHIT!

Her worship of the pharaoh is sick. Okay yeah, she likes Yami, who obviously show no direct interest in her. Not to mention he's older than the city of Dimono is. BY FAR. I'm surprised her love rants haven't shrunk his brain, or even better his hair. Actually that might be a bonus. But really, even my hikari doesn't like her very much. Kaiba sure doesn't, I think he want to throw her off a cliff. Especially after that rant she gave him at Duelist Kingdom...God I'm shocked he didn't throw her off right then and there. Hell I know I would of...

Come to think of it I was there...I SHOULD have...FUCK!

Okay her ability to dance is as sorry as her ability to dress herself. That uniform was hideous...I KNOW there MUST have been SOMETHING better! She should have worn the boy's outfits, they'd have looked better. But her apparel during battle city was wretched! Her in a skirt is bad enough, but the shorts! Oh HELL NO! And plat forms, with socks might I add? Ugh...Yugi's short enough...don't make it worse on him...

Yes, I commend her for winning a round on DDR. But really. I could have no feet and dance on my hands and win that game. But that doesn't make me a good dancer! And you know some professional dancers SUCK at DDR! So you probably, no wait you DO suck at dancing Anzu! YOu have no rhythm! And don't you know Platforms do not make good dancing shoes?

And your need to repeat we can do anything with the power of friendship! FUCK friendship! Friendship is over rated! Who needs friends when you can kick peoples asses and make them fear you? I'm sure the people who's faces I carved my curses into won't mess with me.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

What? I was making up for the times I said friend in any sense of the word.

Fuck.

That's like my curse word you know...I'm forbidden to say it with out the word FUCK following close by.

Conclusion?

She should be beaten with a 2X4 with a nail in it, tied to the bottom of a truck, driven through a cactus patch, beaten again with a 2X4 with a nail in it, have her limbs hacked apart with an apple corer, her eye lids stapled shut, and finally deep fried to be made into Pokemon food.

And pokemon don't really exhist, so that's saying something right there.

xxx

_Leo: Well I hope that pleased you Anzu haters, and if you love Anzu, you can die! ...just kidding you don't have too...but if you want to you can...XD okay okay I'm going to stop before I offend someone XD_


	6. Seto Kaiba

_Leo: Here's yet another one XD_

**Seto Kaiba**

Seto Kaiba. Rich, very rich. So he's justified in being a pompous ass. Yes I approve of him to a slight degree. He would make a very good minion. He has money. And lots of it. He could buy a continent! He could buy antarctica and make it into his personal lair complete with penguins! What MORE COULD one person possibly want? I want my own penguin. Or a polar bear.

He hates Yami. He earned points for that. He tried at all costs to make that ass lose. He gained more points for that. He cheated in order to make Yami lose and succeeded. DING! He's reached a level of coolness!

He wants everything his way! And who can argue to that? Though I must say with as much money as he has. He should be a little happier. I mean really! Get the decaying animal out of your butt Kaiba! I think he needs to do what all rich people do! Pimp out! He could SO be a pimp! He could have Rissian hookers as door greeters for Kaiba land! I would so go there! I'd even PAY to get in if he did that!

Though his obsession with his brother is scary. I think Mokuba should own some hookers too. That would make the kid happy. And if not, buy him the new version of Pokemon, that would make any 8 year old happy! Wait...he's not 8? Oh damn.

I so know Kaiba killed his step father. I know it. And unlike everyone else who thinks he's a bitch head for doing it, I praise him! Though I think you should stabbed him with a spork there Kaiba. But I won't hold it against you that you didn't.

Unfortunately there is one thing about you, Kaiba, that irritates me. Your obsession with the Blue Eyes. Yes it has a very high attack power. And defense also. But it has no effect and can be destroyed by a number of things, for instance, a Man Eater Bug, a Trap Hole, Fissure, Reigeki Break, Sakuretsu Armor, and plenty of other things! Including stronger monsters...And you can also remove it from play with a card like soul release, so it's really not THAT great. not great enough to build a plane modeled after it.

Also, I've never seen someone so dramatic at Duel monsters than Seto Kaiba. The way he throws his arm out, I'm surprised he hasn't lost his balance and fallen over. You know what, I think I know what's happening! Kaiba's drinking while dueling!

So kids what have we learned today?

Kaiba's rich, needs a harem, one for his brother too, and maybe me for suggesting it to him, he needs to get a penguin, so he can get over the blue eyes, and he needs to get the dead critter out of his ass!

p.s. Hey Kaiba can I have your white Jacket? The one that does the kick ass floaty thing. Now that you're back to the navy blue one can you donate the other one to me? I know my black one's cool, but I want that white one too!

xxx

_Leo: GASP OH THE HORROR!_


	7. Ryou

_Leo: tis Ryou's turn, he gets minor bashing though XD_

**Ryou**

Ryou...My hikari. A little bit of a weeny he is. And probably hates my guts since I have a habit of causing massive harm to his mortal body. Like stabbing 'my' hand, multiple times by the way. Not that I care about him. He's just my host. And go figure he'd befriend Yugi, and his dorky cheering squad. And you'd think after the MANY times I've attacked those brats they'd get the idea that oh maybe Ryou's a dangerous individual to be around. Oh no, that's the power of friendship- for you.

FUCK-.

But all in all, Ryou's just girly. Though I must commend him for liking Monster World. In my opinion it's much more fun than Duel monsters. Rolling dice as opposed to shuffling cards. Dice are much more resiliant. You trying chewing on a card and see if it lasts! You can bite a dice all day and it's still usable! I tested it! I know! Like I mentioned I have LOTS of time on my hands everyday.

Ryou's kind of depressing though. I mean he write letters to his dead sister! That's not only sad, but creepy also. No wonder he gets picked on. But hey I try to help him, I make them go away, then he get all sad again when he has to change schools. What does this kid want? Gah! Makes me wonder how this kid has a fan club!

And that damn sweater...Hikari if I were standing next to you while you were wearing that obstruction of righteousness I would have decked you. And then ripped it off you and given you pimp wear. Like Kaiba's jacket. That's cool. It's all floaty like.

But NOOOOO...You wear a very British looking sweater. Cheerio to you fucko. At least you went to a striped shirt and over jacket...But with the same damn pants! Why not leather! Yami and Yugi get away with it! You can too! And hortizontal stripes are bad hikari! Scratch that stripes in general are bad!

Maybe you're brain damaged hikari...Did I mess you up that bad? If so then good, it was intentional. If not then I was kidding, you don't need to tell Yami. I'm tired of the shadow realm for now.

Conclusion?

Ryou's shy, slowly being corrupted, and needs a little more testosterone in order to convince me he DOESN'T have ovaries.

xxx

_Leo: If you're British, I mean no harm...British people are cool, don't hurt me..._

_Oh and annoying cheese, Anzu did that through out the ENTIRE manga and MOST of the anime, either that or she was acting like a bitch or love sick weirdo. And the first season never aired in America, so a lot of people don't know how annoying she really was...Actually Anzu's chapter was my opinion also...I just thought I'd mention that. I mean god she drew a freaking smiley face on their hands to represent friendship...But I'm not going there. I just thought I'd say that she DID do the friendship crap all through out, and was the group cheerleader, as she had no other purpose. Sankyew for not flaming me though :3! Much luffed!_


	8. Malik

_Leo: It's Malik's turn to get semi-bashed XD_

**Malik**

Yes Malik. The OTHER psycho. I'm still the top of the psycho list though. But he's doing a good job. Poor boy's all sad because he got some shit carved into his back. Poor thing I wonder what he's do if he saw his village massacred to make the fucking millenium items that he tried to abuse. Oh the joy. Cry baby needs to get the hell over it. At least HIS scars looked cool. Me? I had some nasty gashes on my face. Lucky little bastard could hide his with a damn shirt.

But I don't dislike him. But I knew the bitch wouldn't give me his millenium item. Though I wonder what his purpose in trying to get the god cards was? It wouldn't have done him any good...I mean really! It's not the cards that hold the power, it's the names that only the pharaoh could call upon in the ancient world. Only I would know that though. Been there done that, lived it twice, you know the story.

Then he went all freaky. Some Rashiid guy fainted and he flipped out. And his hair did this THING! As if he got struck by lightening...It was freaky, to say the least. Then he tries to get me to help him...Bah! Not that we won or anything...I feel sorry for him having to use Anzu's body to communicate though...That must have sucked.

OH I love how when Marik played Yami in the final shadow duel. All of a sudden BAM! He knew how to get rid of Marik, like whoosh, OMGWTFBBQ, tap your feet together three times and Yami Marik is gone! That seemed a little too easy to me. After all that crap all he had to do was think "I wish upon a star please make Marik go away" and bling! He's gone...Okay maybe that was dramatization but seriously. It seemed like they spent too much time on something that ended in less than five minutes in the end...

Then they left and there was much rejoicing. Amen, may god bless us all...Yes my sarcasm is atounding, I know. Though his sister was irritaing as all hell. 'I have forseen the future,' or 'Oh my pharaoh!' I'd smack her if she were in sight.

But really. Tan skinned AND natural blonde hair. Lucky bitch has nothing to bitch about. Though I must back him on the soul fact that he's a fellow psycho.

Conclusion?

Malik's a psycho, a drama queen, AND has a kick ass tattoo. So rock on brother. And may we cause havoc once more. Amen.

xxx

_Leo: XD I'm glady ou all like this. I'm thinking Anzu's probably the favored chapter XD I don't blame you all XP! Luffs ou all for your reviews!_


	9. Yami Marik

_Leo: Here's Marik for you XD_

**Yami Marik**

OKay Marik. Slightly if not completely delusional. Liked to send people to the shadow realm? What's so wrong with that? Oh wait, HE SENT ME THERE! Bastard... Stupid yami psycho and his deformed hair. I was only helping so I could get the damn millenium items and take over the world! Is that so wrong? Then Marik comes a long and destroys me dream! Not that I stayed there for long. Again the tap your feet together -poof- Marik's gone, thing comes back into play.

Marik was all in all okay, though the cape was a little over board...But then again he needed to make his body look balanced with his hair...

How he managed to ALMOST lose against Jounouchi is BEYOND me...If I were him and I was faced with even the slight possiblility to losing, I'd like rip their insides out and hang them from a telephone pole. Teach them to win against me.

Though I can't understand why he didn't get around to sending Rashiid to the shadow realm...Ra only knows he had enough time. But NOOO he had to be all dramatic about it. I'da sent Isis to the shadow too. Actually if I were him I'd have thrown her off the blimp.

I think Marik had this weird affixitation with his rod. And that wasn't a perverted joke there people. And I don't mean THAT rod! The millenium rod you idiots...You mortals and your sick Rod jokes. But seriously. That thing was like glued to his hand...Along with that damn Ra card...Same applies to him as it does yami. He'd have never won if not for that MAJOR crutch. Cheatng bastard.

Okay NOW to his hair. I thought mine was unruly. He's like a kid on crack sticking his tongue in an electric socket. Or at least that's what I pictured. Maybe he's sticking his rod in there instead of his tongue. You can take that as perverted or not...Both possibilities are there I suppose... But really! How does one to that? By sticking their head in a bucket of glue and hanging upside down from the closet rack over night? I guess it's possible. He looks like a, what did hikari call it...he saw it on TV...uh...AH! He looks like a dragonBallZ knock off! That's what it was. Only I think Marik looks more retarded...

But I suppose that's the only real issue with him. Though he managed to send that annoying Mai bitch to the shadows. I'll be ranting about her too. She's annoying enough I suppose.

Conclusion?

Marik is a psycho, plain and simple, with maybe a little too much hair and a rod fetish that really does sound incredibly wrong now that I say it to myself...But you know what? It's a possibility...But I'm not going any furthur with that...No siree...

xxx

_Leo: Well I hope you're not going to kill me...trust me I LOVE Marik..._


	10. Mahaado and Mana

_Leo: Okay to Madaado and Mana! If you don't know them then I'm warning you of spoilers!_

**Mahaado and Mana**

Okay to start with this one. I firmly believe that BOTH of these people are indeed very active members in pharaoh Yami's harem. I mean my Ra! Mahaado's affixiation with Yami is sickening! He's all like I'll give my life to protect you and all that romantic shit.

Mana on the other hand, is just a dipshit, who is about as adept in magic as I am adept in being nice! Very little amount of skill with that one...Not to mention loud and obnoxious! She's like Mahaado's bitch. And Mahaado is like Yami's bitch...And Yami is probably Priest Set's bitch...

Mahaado was supposed to be some great and powerful magician...yet I killed him pretty easy, and took the millenium ring that he so kindly left me. Then proceeded to try and destroy all of mankind. But what did he turn into? A fucking duel monster... A cheesy ass one at that. Right along with the Dark Magician girl, who OMG, looks STRIKINGLY similar to, guess who! MANA! Bitches follow their masters as they say.

But I suppose I can't really make fun of the two of them because Yami owns them, or because they're both duel monsters, or at least Mahaado is... No I'll just make fun of their shitty appearances! Mahaado has more of a dress on than Mana does, and I'll admit the thing I had on WAY back when was pretty much a skirt, but at least it wasn't a gown! Oh Mahaado! Are you getting married? But you're wearing a white dress with all kinds of tacky, one time wear, jewelry! Don't be so modest! Who is he? Oh goodness! Is it Yami! No? Oh I know it is! You silly bean it's not good to LIE! And quit threatening to send me to hell! That's not nice!

I want to do the same thing to Mana as I want to do to Anzu, though MAYBE a LITTLE different, talking along the lines of hanging her from a pole, flogging her with a horse whip, nailing her mouth shut, breaking all her limbs with a massive rock, then burying her in a cactus patch where she has to watch Anzu dance until she bites her own tongue to choke her self with her own blood.

Torturing is like candy to the sadist's soul...You know I would SO support them making a book called Chicken Soup for the sadist's soul...or Chicken Soup for the psychopathic manic depressive crazy ass thief who kills EVERYTHING's soul!

Conclusion?

Both of these people are peace loving gits who should both choke on a scarab amulet and have their faces attacked by raging crocodiles.

And I totally blame Ryou for the 'git' comment...It's his fault!

xxx

_Leo: well I've decided to add more to this ficcy thing. but I'm not telling you what it is XD!_


	11. Pegasus

_Leo: Yep there's one for pegasus..._

**Pegasus**

Yeah I suppose he gets a chapter...Not sure why though...I'll have to think about this one, but I'm sure that as soon as I get started it will come easy. I mean look at that outfit! I like SO want one of those! Yes, it looks a little fruitybut it's probably worth more than Kaiba's company and I could pawn that for BIG dollars!

Not to mention he's got leather shoes worth more that the entire country of Canada!...I want to go to canada...They have Mooses! So yeah! HIs shoes are worth like...shit pots full! And I could pawn those too! He's got more money than the entire northern hemisphere! YOu know, I think he should open up his own amusement park! I'd go there! And like steal a roller coeaster rod or something...Something I could like become a millionaire my auctioning it off on Ebay... Then again I could just rob a bank, but that's not as fun...

He's got his own mansion, a big screen TV that drops down from the ceiling in his dining room AND his own personal goon/bitch squad. I want my own hoarde of obediant bodyguard bitches! That'd be freaking kick ass!

Though he really needs to something with his obsession for funny bunny. And that voice grates on my brain and makes me want to pop my eyeballs out with a spork and eat them meatball style...

And he should consider ruffing up his hair a little more to make himself look a little more bad ass you know? I mean, if he, say, got a black pimp version of the outfit he has now, tied his hair back at the base of his neck and wore and eye patch, while puffing on a big cuban cigar, he could like join the mafia! How bad ass would he be then?

Of course there's his obsession with his dead wife. He's like obsessed beyond obsessed! If she were alive and she left him, he would SO have stalked her...But then again I stalk people too. Mainly bastard pharaohs whose puzzle I want to steal...Damn it why can't he just give me the puzzle? Meanie...

Well conclusion?

If he gives me three hundred grand, I won't slander his name anymore and I'll aid him in taking over the world...

If he doesn't I'm stealing his drop down big screen TV...Even if I have to break it to get it down...

xxx

_Leo: There...There shall be more soon my lovelies!_


	12. Mai and Shizuka

**Mai and Shizuka**

Ah yes, Mai. Another rich person who complains about not having something they want. Poor baby doesn't have friends. I wonder why? Oh yeah, I remember why! You're a bitch Mai!

She's not very modest either if you look at it. And as time goes more and more of her clothes seem to dissapear. If I were to say stand there next to her for ten years would she be naked? God...Why does that thought make me want to retch? I mean you'd think 'oh naked woman! ALRIGHT!'. But not in this case...

And WHAT the hell? OKay Am I the only one who gets annoyed that she called EVERYONE HON! Geeze, it's like naw bitch I aint yo hun! ...Forgive me Ra for speaking such language in your presence...Please don't condemn me...

Anyways...Due to the fact that I can't think of nearly enough 'deeming' qualities for Mai, I've decided to throw in my detest for Shizuka in here too! Yay! More pointless 'good people' bashing!

Okay she's an airhead for one, related to Jounouchi for two, and hangs out with Anzu and Mai at the same time for three...That's like three sins in itself! What more CAN you possibly do to get yourself sent to hell! Geeze I could kill people and still have a chance to have a safe afterlife! If I killed her...And Anzu...and Mai all at the SAME time...they'd make me a god!

Insert evil plans here

May if I...Hey I'm not telling you! I called first dibs! Besides I'm the psycho here...Remember that Marik while your wallowing in the shadow realm...ANYWAYS back to bashing THEM!

Shisuka, didn't spell her name right because she doesn't deserve it. I don't know WHAT They see in her! She's not even cute! At least I don't think so, but I'm a REAL human...As opposed to say, Honda and Otogi...Who both have severe mental problems to like this useless cheerleading brat. She's like whiney...And tries to be all cool by saving her brother...Damn her! Doesn't she know that she dissapointed fifteen billion jounouchi haters? I mean guh!

She has no purpose...She sucks at dueling, she sucks at cheering, she sucks at being a friend, (fuck), she sucks at being human. What more is there possibly wrong than that?

So hats off to you Mai and Shizuka! Both of your have proven that there are no good females in all of Domino.

Conclusion:

One day I will light a fire, tie them both to roasters and dance around said fire naked with ceremonial paint smeared all over me while they turn into screaming lumps of charcoal. then for christmas dinner I'll replace the roast with them and every one will tell me how great it is even thought they're eating their so called friends!...Eww...That oen was even creepy for me...Damn...I have to go throw up now...

xxx

_Leo: There ya go...Okay...Bakura...tell us what you REALLY feel ...heh...well until next chapter. I have one for Otogi and Mokuba coming your way so until then! Love you all!_


	13. Otogi

_Leo: Sorry for the wait! here's the next bashing session !_

**Otogi**

OKay, where to start off this rant, as this is so obviously what it us...Okay here we go. I AM the dice master. I mastered dice WAY before he even picked them up! So he's not spcial! Actually he's more like a reject. He's the OTHER one with the Shizuka obsession...which as I said before is sick...very sick. But then again I could go on with that forever.

Why...I mean why would ANYONE wear a die as an earring! Now don't get me wrong I think it's better than a teddy bear or a sparkly rabbit, but then again, with him I wouldn't be surprised if he has a pair of both at home on his dresser top. And sorry but a die is used for game play, not as an accessory. Or as a weapon. OMG Not joking! He threw a die at Jounouchi! That's alomost as bad as Kaiba throwing duel monsters cards and thinking it's going to damage the opponent...Hello! It's a piece of cardboard with ink on it!

But moving along, I must at least commend him for his hair. As it is not sticking in 532 directions and has freaky colors -coughlikeyamiandmarikcough-. He also has it tied back...which makes him look a LITTLE less girly... And that line under his eye that looks like he messed up while applying his masscara is kinda cool...KINDA! Nothing more!

Though his clothes are almost as bad as...well everyone else's. I mean BLEH! A vest! How so, uncool! Of course I'm not a fashion critic, but I know who needs to be shot point blank by the fashion police and who doesn't. I'm an exception because I have to wear hikari's clothes...Bleh.

Otogi is about as useful as Honda...Granted Otogi has about twice the brain Honda does, but even then that's not really much of a compliment. At least wannabe dice boy can strategise a LITTLE...Though I find it hysterical that Yami beat him at his own game and started off not even knowing the rules at all...Now that is pathetic! Well I think it's about time for the conclusion, neh?

OKay 1. he needs to be tied down and have his hair bleached white, because it's cool. 2. he needs to be beaten into submission and have plastic surgery to look JUST LIKE ME! And 3. He needs to obey my every command and become a robotic copy of me that I can use to do my bidding.

xxx

_Leo: Okay, I'm contemplating soe of the other characters. Rebecca and maybe some of the people from the doom saga, but I'm not sure yet. I've actually added more to this than I planned...And YAY! We got FORUMS now! _


	14. Isis and Rashiid

_Leo: OKay I've decided upon who my next people shall be. This story will only be about 30 chapters long. So I only have room for a few more people. Don't be mad if I don't pick the people you want._

**Isis (Ishizu) and Rashiid (Odion)**

Alright, this one will be fun. Isis is notorious for the "My pharaoh! My pharaoh! My pharaoh!" Crap. Oh my ra, some one please remove her voice box. I mean as I've discussed the pharaoh isn't worth all the attention he gets. Bleh...She's a psycho. But then again she IS related to Malik...SO that explains a little. But what is the deal with her anyways? She had no purpose, like all the other girls? She couldn't even tell the future when they needed it! And then she went and gave the pharaoh the Tauk! What. The. Fuck?

Her duel with Kaiba was almost laughable! She 'predicted' what he would do, and she STILL lost! What a dip shit! She talks all calm like and goes on and on about he couldn't win...Then bam, Kaiba pulls out the blue eyes and shoves his impressive victory all up in her obnoxious face! Go Kaiba!

I'm not quite certain what the deal with her outfit is either... My god I thought the annoying Egyptian wig look went out a long time ago...Or did she feel she HAD to let everyone know she came from Egypt? And how is it that she can speak perfect japanese if she lived in Egypt all her life under strict rules and shielded from the outside world?

Aain I make my point in the fact that none of the girls we knoware useful...Isn't that like sexist or something? Eitherway, let's move on to Rashiid!

He's like Malik's bitch...Worse than Mahaado is to the pharaoh! OH MY RA! I've never seen someone so obsessed! I still can't see why he wanted to be a tomb keeper. That job sounds like it sucks. Being stuck in a dark cave-like place with all this stuff, unable to steal it because you're supposed to be guarding it! What a drag. But then again this is coming from me...

He's another one with the, "must let everyone know EXACTLY where I came from" look. Why? That look SO died out several THOUSAND years ago! Just like men wearing eyeliner! Sorry Malik but its true. I mean since when do people save their head except ONE lock on the side? As if his skin wouldn't give it away that he's foriegn anyways...

The one thing that irritates me the most. Is that he tattooed his face all up like a retard. Okay I don't know what he was trying to prove with that, but apparently it didn't work as Malik seemed to not even slightly care about what happened to him. Not to mention made him Marik's biggest target.

His dueling skills suck to...Especially if he couldn't beat Jounouchi...He wasn't even strong enough to use a fucking card! Damn, he's like the girls! A useless figure that SHOULD have been banished to the shadow realm! He's almost as annoying as Shaadi!

Conclusion?

Well Isis needs to be pelted with rocks until she changes her hair style, then she needs to be locked in a room with Anzu. That ought to straighten her out. Rashiid needs to be banished to the shadow realm and have little copies of Anzu follow him at ALL times. Then he'll finally realize his way, rip his hair out, scar his face up more so you can tell there were words there and follow ME, not Malik, like a GOOD human should!

xxx

_Leo: Only one more set of people! I love you my reviewers!_


	15. Haga and Ryuzaki

_Leo: and here's the last pair!_

**Haga and Ryuzaki (spelling?)**

These two are possibly the worst thing to happen to the world since the pharaoh was born! I mean my god how CAN you be THAT stupid? I thought originally these two hated each other...Apparently they're best friends...What the fuck? Okay humans are stupid. Now that we've covered that lets go into detail shall we?

Haga. Why a person would be that obsessed with insects is beyond me! I'm not afraid of them but I don't particularly care for them. But this guy...if his Insect queen came to life he'd probably make love to it...Oh...that was a BAAAD mental image there...How he can think an insect deck will ever win against say, a fiend deck or a magician deck is also one of those wtf moments.

But that's not even why he annoys me. It's that voice! That annoying, go a bug caught in your throat type annoying. And with him a wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. He likes bugs after all doesn't he? And boy does he make it obvious. Those glasses are enough to make me want to stomp on his face. I mean okay he LOVES those stupid things, but to make his glasses shaped with an insect in it? That's pushing it.

His hair is ALMOST as bad as the pharaoh's...Almost...Not quite...But you know what I'm talking about. TOO much green on him eeek...He makes my eyes bleed. And my ears...Why I even conceded to rant about him is beyond me... I think I was just TOO bored...That sucks too, because I don't even want to think about him right now...Or ever for that matter. I'd hate to think about him ever getting a girl friend, or more hard to believe, getting laid...

Anyways, moving on. Ryuzaki. The dino dipshit. Dinosaurs are worse than insects...And he proves it as his brain is about the size of a dinosaur's...Which if you were paying attention in kindergarden, we all know they're brains are much maller than our are...

Anyways. Aside from that he's absolutely annoying. Seriously. This is another guy who lost to Jounouchi on a fluke! A fluke! Luck of the draw! Lost his best card, which was Red Eyes! Red Eyes sucks anyways! Am I the only one who knows this? God! Two sacrefices for a card that can be destroyed with a trap hole? Okay STUPID!

But his other traits that are annoying. His voice is MUCH like his pals. Annoying...And makes me want to stick his head in a wood chipper. I mean damn! MY voice isn't that bad. And we all know I like to talk annoying. Just because it's fun, not because it's natural!

This guy dresses like a dork too..And that's what the gay ass purple hair thing? Or was it blue? I don't know...I don't remember...Maybe because I don't care...Yeah! That's it! I don't care! So there!

Because I can't stand to hear my self talk about these two I shall give my conclusion now.

If Haga likes Bugs so much he should turn into a fly, just like Jeff Goldblum did in "The Fly". If you haven't seen that movie...oh lord DON'T! That made even ME sick...But I think it's fitting for Haga a long as I don't have to see it.

Ryuzaki should simply get hit by a moving car. I won't even bother thinking up something good for him...He's not worth my time...

xxx

_Leo: Okay, the next section of chapters is goin to be the peoples reply to Bakura's rants, you see trust me._


	16. Brief Intermission

****

**Brief Intermission**(this is an actual chapter, not an author's thing)

xXxXxXx

Okay, so in my infinate wisdom. I decided to not put all of these thoughts to waste. Being the truwly hateful and cruel bastard that I am, I have decided that I should send them to everyone! So everyone can read what I think about them and their peers! Sound like fun? Oh but of course it shall be!

So, as to make my point I went to Yahoo and made my new account. Bakura(underscore)the(underscore)spirit(underscore)thief(at)yahoo(dot)com! It was even personalized so they can't possibly mistaken it for my hikari's! And so, I attached AND pasted all of these writings, so they couldn't possibly miss it! Because well, I like to piss people off!

So I searched hard to find all of their email adresses. The only ones I couldn't find were Pegasus, Isis and Raashid's...But I think they already know who I feel about them... And so I clicked send, with 'Hey all you assholes' as the subject.

It's been three days, since that. So now I check my email. And lookie here what do you know, I got some replies!

Oh my this ought to be great!

xXx

_Leo: Yes It's short. But there's a reason. A little note for you, that email does exist, because it's mine...Or should I say Bakura's?_


	17. Yugi's Reply

_Leo: From here on out I will be making up email addresses, so none of them exhist they will be very out of there, so if they are real I would be shocked. And if you look at them you may realize the joke and insults in them, I'm also not going to but the at dot com part._

xxx

**Yugi's reply**

Ah one of the first replies I looked at was Yugi's! Of course! I opened it and it read:

From: Yugi-no1loz3r To: bakura the spirit thief Subject: RE: Hey all you Assholes

Hey Bakura, It sounds like you have some problems. I can help you if you want! But really, I don't think you meant all of that did you? I mean you sounded earnest enough but I've never really done anything to you. Most of that was my Yami, he's the one that hates you with an indescribable passion not me!

No I don't think my dad fucked a 'rainbow' but that might be interesting. As for my hair, I've tried everything from shearing sissors to lighting a fire, but my hair reuses to change. I think it's a curse. And yeah, I'm kinda short. Okay I'm short. But we're all different right? It would be worse. I could be short and have Jounouchi's brain! Think of it like that!

In response I think you're just misdirected Bakura! I think you have the potential to make lots of cool friends! (By cool I mean not mine) I mean, yeah. And my eyes aren't that cutesy are they? Well I tried to fix that too when I was in elementary school, by my teacher told me it wasn't a good idea to take a pencil to my eyes. She said I could ruin my vision.

And I have reason to defend myself over the friendship thing! As I see it if I make an eefort to rattle on about friendship at least once a week, then maybe Anzu will realize it's annoying. Obvously I've failed in that mission. Of course...I'm still trying. I think I've finally pissed off someone though. Bakura, is it strange that irritating someone makes me feel all warm and fuzzy? Kaiba told me it was because my years of being a pansy have made me yearn for destruction. I think Kaiba's losing it. I could of sworn I saw him in a pimp coat the other day!

I guess that's all I have to say. I suppose you can hate me if you want. But if you decide to kill Anzu you have my support.

Ja Ne Yugi Mutou

P.s. Kaiba left a package at the game shop for you. I think he actually decided to give you his jacket after all!

xEndx

I was slightly shocked by the reply needless to say. I promptly clicked to add him to my contacts, I think I might just keep talking to the migit. You know I could SO corrupt him. I know I could. Then Pharaoh will hate me even more and I'll feel even better about myself than I already do. Apparently he does not care that I want all of his friends to die horrible deaths. That is kinda cool.

This made me giggle inside, maybe i would learn other interesting things about all of these freaks. People tend to say things they don't want to when they're mad, and so that meant that they would be providing me with black mail! Oh the joy!

Heh, on to the next hate mail reply!

xxx

_Leo: Okay this is how it will proceed! It'll probably end at 30 chapters! By the way sorry for lateness but groundation prevented me from doing much! I shall get my ass moving with this I promise!_


	18. Yami's Reply

**Yami's Reply**

Okay, well I now noticed that Pharaoh asshole face has decided to return his hate letter. Lovely. Actually this ought to be interesting. I do believe that he is still pissed off for the prank I pulled on him yesterday...Sticking gum between his cards when he was talking to Ryou...That was great, he was even more pissed off when he discovered I replaced his Dark Magicians with the Shining Frindship card, just to show him how much friendship sucks. But aside from that I really think you ought to read this reply! It's certainly intertaining enough.

From: gamerkamisama.

To Bakura the spirit theif.

Subject: RE: Just wait til I get within range of you Bakura.

Where the hell are you hiding thief! Isn't it about time for your weekly trip to the shadow realm? You should consider some fucking modern medication! And you call me pompous! Like hell you would have won all those times, because if you had I'da sent your ass to the shadow realm anyways! Friendship sucks, you don't have to point that out again. I believe I've made that clear plenty of times as I destroyed people's souls. Oh look Bakura we have something in common! Not that it pleases me.

You're one to talk about Mahaado like that, and granted he was a bit of a suck up that's nothing compared to how you act with Ryou! At least Mahaado was willing to waste his life away to serve me like a good inferior should.

Oh and I'd like to see you come at ME with a base ball bat, cause honey, I got a crowbar with your name on it, if you'd like to play. No one has to know about it, if you'd like. I can whip you bloody and as long as you sit put like the little inferior bitch that you are I won't tell any one. Except maybe Kaiba. I think he might find that alluring or something like that.

By the way, Ra damn you to hell, quit sending me all that porn! My inbox doesn't need any more than it already gets without your help! And quit corrupting my hikari! YOu astard I saw the email you sent to him yesterday! And no way in HELL am I going to let you teach him how to break into the bank! It's bad enough he hit Anzu with a curtain rod! Even though I must credit you for convincing him to do it, but that's not the point!

ON another note, can I borrow your red shirt? I'll bring you back the black one, oh and you can keep those pants...Hell I don't see how you wear them...Suade is so uncomfortable...To me at least.

Oh and my hair is totally not my fault. It's a disease. I swear.

Remember you've got to come by the shop tomorrow so I can kick your ass in Duel Monsters again. Remember loser has to strip in Walmart, so make sure to wear light clothes.

With unbearable, searing, and overwhelming Hate,  
Yami.

X...X...X

Have a mentioned that he's lingering on Bipolar? yeah...so yeah. I click the reply button.

To: gamermastersama.

From: Bakura the spirit thief.

Subject: RE: Quit your bitching.

Hey you still have my green shirt too! The one with the leather collar! And you'd better come get your leather pants or Ryou may take them and make curtains out of them or something.

I send you porn only because I simply LOVE to share! ...Or it could possibly be that I hate you so much...But whatever satisfies you more...

I've damn near corrupted you...Okay borderline, why not let your Hikari to the dark side too? I've already got Ryou piercing his ears! It'll be fun...I may actually like you if you quit being such a pompous ass...Okay that won't ever happen but at least we sort of co-exist. By the way watch out for that second shelf in your shop. I rigged it so it'll fall when someone walks under it. You'd better go walk under it yourself, so Yugi or Gramps doesn't get hurt. Yes that ensures you get hurt. I'm an ass like that you see. Will, I'm game for tomorrow, but you'd better dress lightly because I've I lose, damn it, we'll both go down. Trust me. I've done double losses before. I can make you lose with me.

Hate you more than you can ever Imagine.

Bakura.

X...X...X

I click the send button. I thought I would share that with you. Actually I've been emailing him for quite sometime. Simply because it's so fun to piss him off, And it's long distance so that lessens the amount of time I spend in the shadow realm. Originally he ignored me, but then I send 500 messages to him telling him I'll send him more if he doesn't talk to me. It worked...Though the stupid ass could have just made a new account...He's not smart like that you see.

Well, I seem to have more in my inbox, I shall go check on that now! Bwahaha!

xxx

_Leo:_ _Okay yes to answer a question that was asked I have a yahoo account that is bakura the spirit thief. Want to test me if you don't believe me? Hell that's my yahoo messengername also! You shall have the next chapter soon!_


	19. Jou and Honda's Replies

_Leo: Okay, I really only have one thing to mention because really it drives me crazy. Okay K-chan, you reviewed and mentioned something about girls bashing all the girls, well honey,I hate to totally ruin it for you but I'm a guy. yes that's right a guy, a Male. _

_Also imentioned that there would be character bashing. I did not single out the females. I Bashed EVERYONE. I consider this neither canon nor fanon as I have not gone strict to the rules (as noting if you did go strict by the rules of canonyou would be rewritng the series, which defeats the whole purpose of fanfiction) and I have also not created a world that is completely out of range, have I? I mean most of my facts are accurate. Are they not? Maybe throwing in a few things here and there. But I don't believe I'm totally out of the water. This is entertainment. Not meant to make canon people happy. So please...Don't make me have to put up a warning for that too...And if you don't like 'Hikari' then well tough. I like the word. Always have even before Yugioh. And I will not switch to something else because one person. Sorry to those of you who have NO idea who i'm talking to._

**Jounouchi and Honda's Reply.**

This is quite interesting. Since I hate the two enough I shall show both of their replies at once because well...I think they both suck. And I'm shocked I even read them. Jounouchi can't spell...You're not supposed to sound out your accent just to prove you have one Jou-buddy...And Honda...I have no clue what he's even talking about, but here you go, interpret for yourselves.

From: notafu king dog.

To: Bakura the spirit thief.

Subject: RE: Hey man, what's the deal?

Hey dude, why you so pissed off? I ain't done nuttin so ya! I just hang wit Yugi! I've never really said much to ya that I can remember. But hey if you don't like me, then we can fight it out like men. Say this to my face you pansy.

And I have a brain! I wouldn't be breathign if I didn't! And i'm not a damn dog! God damn you Kaiba I will kill you for starting that you conniving bstard! Leave my sister out of it Bakura, what do you know any ways! YOu hardly even met her, if even at all! YOur'e a bastard.

And Honda's been my buddy forever so don't hate!

...Jounouchi...

X...X...X

From: motorbike010.

To: Bakura the spirit thief.

Subject: Dude.

Dude, what the hell? You're rambling again or what? How many of these fricken emails are you gonna send telling me you hate me! I told you before. I don't know you man. Just leave me alone.

X.X.X

Follow up from that last one:

Yo, um...sorry Bakura I thought that was someone else, sorry about the last email...Yeah Okay, I know ya hate me, thanks for sharing.

...Honda...

X...X...X

What the hell was all of that? Can someone please explain to me why these people are so fuckign stupid? Oh my god...if that is the intellegence of modern humans, I'll sell my soul to satan and join him in the underworld when I die. Hell, I hear they have fooseball and pancake fridays! What do they have in Heaven! Angels! Big deal. I prefur my wings black thank you.

But either way. I've decided those weren't even worth saving. Let alone reading and thus I've trashed them, as they are not worth y of my reply. Because I'm omnipotent like that you see. With a large vocabulary too. If you don't know that word, go look it up. Increase your vocabulary and become smart, unlike those idiots. Do you REALLY want to be like them? That's right, you don't. So make sure to do your homework...Or simply BS the answers and get a good grade anyways...That's what I taught Ryou to do. And he's star student.

Well I supposed I shall suffer myself enough to read the one Anzu sent me...As much as I really wish I didn't have to. God, just her email address alone makes me want to jam something pointy into my face multiple times...

xxx

_Leo: Don't ask...I don't know whatBakura was thinking when he typed this..._


	20. Anzu's shudder Reply!

**Anzu's -shudder- Reply**

Okay against my better judgement. And actually against my own right to continue living, I've opened the email Anzu sent. Why? Mind you I think I've lost it, or rather never had much to to lose, but alas sitting here with this obscene pink text glaring back at me, I instantaneously get the urge to smach myself in the face with that baseball bat I was threatening Yami with.

Actually I forwarded it to him a couple hours ago, and when he and Yugi came over he told me that I should tie her to a light post and beat her with the crowbar he was going to use on me. Even he can't stand her, and that's really saying something. I think I have to agree. She started off her reply with a giant heart Icon. Oh Ra, someone please put me out of my misery, someone other than Yami that is. I won't give you the satisfaction of that you bastard. Touch my keyboard again as I write this and I'll kill you. I know I could just tell you vocally, but you're reading it so I'm not wasting my breath. Yes I'm lazy, fuck you pharaoh and quit correcting my spelling!

Aside from that bastard not leaving me alone I shall tell you exactly what she wrote!

**From: shiningfriendship10ve.**

**To: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: I think you need a friend!**

Hey Bakura! I think you're feeling a little unwell, are you okay? I can help you if you'd like! I know i may not know you well, and you seem to not like me but I think you need a friend! I'm here if you'd like to talk to me! I talk to Ryou sometimes too. Though he seems moody. Sometimes I think I mistake you for him, because when I think I'm tlaking to him, he says 'Fuck you and go the hell away before i get Bakura on your ass.' I really don't think he would say that. Is that you saying that Bakura? If so, then I'm sorry to mistaken you.

And Yami doesn't hate me! He talks to me all the time! Well, okay I talk to Yugi more, that's because Yami said he has more important things to do. But I am curious as to why I see him fighting with you more often. I really wouldn't think he would want to be around you if he doesn't like you. But then again maybe he sees that you need a friend too. You tend to be difficult to hang around. Though Ryou seems to stand up for you. I think he understands you. In a weird Ryou'like way.

I think Kaiba may appreciate you. You should try being friends with him. You really could use one. They really are nice to have.

Though Jounouchi wants to kick your ass, you should watch out for him. He's not very smart when he gets mad. But if you gave him a chance I think he'd learn to like you.

Hang in there Bakura, you'll fin someone who understands you!

Love,

Anzu Mazaki.

X...x...X

Yami...Yes i'm talking to you. No I'm not going to speak vocally. Just shut the hell up and let me talk. Please...I'm begging you. Help me kill her...I know you can pass your self righteous BS to help me...

...I knew you would see it my way...either way.

I promptly click the reply button

**To: shiningfriendship10ve.**

**From: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: for the love of all that is fucking holy don't ever talk to me again!**

Dear Anzu,

For your information, Yami, who is leaning over my shoulderl ike anosy bastard and is only here because Yugi dragged him over to our house so he and Ryou could play like good hikaris do, hates your guts. Which is like the ONLY thing we have in commmon right now. Aside from the matching pants, that I specifically told him I was wearing on Thursdays and Sundays.

As much as I hate to admit, after all the crap we've been through and the thorough but fluke ass kickings I've gotten over the years, I just want to live like a normal fucking human. And if I must admit it, Yami is about as close a friend as I want. And even still I hate him with a raging passsion. So If you say Friendship one more fucking time, I will mash your face with a cheese grater. I promise.

Oh and Yami wishes to tell you that you need to simply move away and never bother us with your presence again. Kudos on the great observation Yami, Kudos.

So please, before I take a screw driver to you like that guy did to that dog in that movie Secret Window, just STAY the FUCK away from me. No, rather US! I speak in part for myself AND Yami! So there!

Bitch, I hope you die! And hopefully I cause it!

X...X...X

I click the close button and also click block address after it. Yami and I are simultaenously laughing by now. Which worries my hikari who is standing in the door way. We're getting along, to a minimum. And it scares him. Kudos Ryou. It scares me too.

xxx

_Leo: Okay, for the person who wrote it, no this does not have yaoi in it, but yes I write it and WTF man? I may be a guy on here but what's that got to do with pedaphiles!Weirdo!_


	21. Seto's Reply

_Leo: I warn you because the story does fall out of normal to the facts-ness into complete randomness..._

**Seto's Reply**

Meh, I must say I never truely though Kaiba would reply. Damn I mean, you'd think he'd be too busy. But noo! He went and wrote me back imposing a faint heart attack upon me! Nice guy (sarcasm). I kid, he's like Yami...And talks to me ALL the time. Hey I need to have my posse too you know. Even if I trash Yami and mildly poke fun at Seto. We're the badasses of Domino.

Oh on that note, Yami and I BOTH had to strip in Walmart. I told you I could make us both lose. Though I think we got a kick out of it after we ran away from the guard, stealign clothes as we ran through the women's section. I don't know about Yami, but I think I look damn good in yellow. Though I don't think I approve of a the floral pattern on the hem of the skirt...OKay sarcasm aside, I gave it to Ryou so he could make that hideous peice of material into curtains or something. He scoffed at me. Said he wasn't THAT girly...Yeah right.

Then I went to bed, tired. Of course, and here I sit now. Having woke up at two in the morning because I fell asleep too early. At random I though, what the hell, I'll check my email! I'm sure no one, except that creepy guy who sends me naked pictures of his wife, will have written to me. And that guy, he's like really creepy. I serious. I think he's a sex offender. I tried blocking him, but apparently he's a hacker too...

I opened the file from the wonderful Seto Kaiba. He's my buddy, even if he doesn't admit it.

**FROM: IamKAIBAbitch.**

**TO: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**SUBJECT: RE: Only because I'm bored and you're enterainment.**

Nice to hear such lovely things from you Bakura, though I do hate to inform you that most of what you've said about the Yugi posse is common knowledge. And you better have gotten that jacket. If Yami stole it again I'll have his ass on a silver platter going to the prison ward. Though either way, you're a thief, you'd have gotten it from him reguardless. Still it would have been amusing to put him through a torture like that. But I'm cruel I can not help that.

And for god's sake, will you tell that bastard wanna be magical pharaoh person to give me back my belt? He's had it for three weeks! I already returned the wrist bands! And some how I think I ended up with your red shirt...At least I think I don't know. I just know it's not mine. It's too small to be mine. If you two would come to school everynow and then like you're supposed to. Bleh, that's not the point.

The point is, I know you think I'm cool! Tch, why wouldn't I be? I'm richer than god. God doesn't see paper money as valuable, I do. There fore I am richer than god, so don't you EVEN correct me thief. And when the hell are you going to come take this gold eye back? It's really creeping me out. In a non pansy sounding way.

And what's with the 16 page hate letter you emailed to everyone? For god's sake, do you have nothing better to do Bakura? And what's with the detached soundingness? Geeze, you'd think you don't talk to some of us on a regular basis. More specifically Yami and I. But then again I can vouch for everything you said. I still hate Yami with a feiry burning passion...even if we cheat off each other in Chemistry. Hey I'm rich, I'm not supposed to be smart. Just like you're a thief, you're not supposed to be nice. See? Analagies work. I know I spelled that wrong. Shut up Bakura. I know you're snickering at me. I KNOW you. Give me a break it's like one in the morning and I'm rambling on like..like...like YOU do! God damn I need to go to sleep.

By the way, I bought you a Koala, if that makes you happy. They don't allow Harems in Domino any more...But hey I tried. I'm still looking into Russian hookers though...You never know. And I'm totally pimps out if it makes you feel better.

And MUST you make fun of my obsession with the blue eyes? You're a freak too! You spend entirely too much time licking blood off shit. And yeah I'm dramatic. I'm supposed to be! Tch! What kind of supervillian are you if you don't know that! I'm dissapointed in you Bakura.

...Shit, I do believe that is my car alart going off. That could be because of the coffee mug I just tossed into the windshield from this window in my frusteration from not being able to type 90 percent of these words right the first time. I'm going to bed...

Damn it. Come to school or you'll get a wake up call from my firing squad. I mean it.

Over and out,

Kaiba, Seto.

x...x...x

Thank you Mr. Kaiba...You'e so mean to your best buddeh. And HA! I knew you were a midnight freak like me! I knew it! Anyways...Now you knwo I HAVE to reply!

**FROM: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**TO: IamKAIBAbitch.**

**SUBJECT: RE: Re: Only because I'm bored and you're enterainment.**

Dude. I'll come I promise. For god's sake...If you reply to this now I'll like hit you tommorow. And for god's sake! I get the point! No need to shoot me...Bleh..Fine I'll talk to you tommorow. Oh and bring your machete...I need to borrow it, for cooking class. you see they put Anzu in my group and I need an ingredient for my sou pof death so yeah...I need that really cool knife man.

Over and Out.

God (no really, I am I god I swear it, I can prove it! I have the paperwork!)

xxx

So yeah..All in all kaiba is one of my ever so kind buddies to talk to. Anyways...yawn...I'm like freakin tire, so i'm calling it quits. by the way, after you've read this chapter, you will die in 7 days...

Sorry, i'm tired...I had to do it! But you never know I may track you all down and kill you in 7 days...but then again you freaks probably want that...Yeah nevermind.

Bakura signing out!

(Man, what is with out military shit nowadays? We're fucking freaks you know that? Freaks I tell you).

xxx

_Leo: Yep...Don't hate me, I suck..i'm sorry! I'm gal you guys like this story! YOu blew me away with 21 reviews over night! Have a yet told you all that I love you so very much?_


	22. Ryou's Reply

_Leo: Here we go, Ryou's turn to reply. this one is not by email though. Since they live together._

_By the way you would not believe that someone IMed me with the name IamKAIBAbitch on AOL. If that was you, don't do it again if you wish for an update. because next time my mother gets that IM I may not get away with a dumb unknowing look. If ya wanna IM me, then I have both MSN AND Yahoo, dont bug on my AOL._

xxx

**Ryou's Reply**

Okay due to the lack of my intellegence in this matter, as Ryou is walking to me in the kitchen with that 'Bakura, what the hell were you thinking look', I realize that he must have read his email. Simply for the fact that, rather than indulge me and reply via the internet, he actually decided to talk to me like a normal human being who is only five feet away from me. Unlike me and Seto, who email each other in our computer class, even though we're sitting one terminal apart from each other. Heh, where do you think I learned how to do this? I had to learn it from somewhere.

So long story short. Even though Hikari would never show it, he was slightly upset with me. Maybe because I bashed all of his so called friends, or the fact that I sent it to all of them so they could see what I REALLY think about their friends, and what everyone else really thinks for that matter. Am I the only one who isn't afraid to speak their mind? Except Kaiba of course, he's cool like that you see.

"Hey hikari, you look disturbed." I said non chalantly. Yes that right I used a descriptive word. I pay attention in class. Believe it or not.

"Oh well shouldn't I be? You're a psycho yami!"

"Yes and you're discovering this for the first time now? Damn hikari you're denser than I first pictured you'd be."

"Oh I knew yami, the sticking knives in electrical outets and watching them spark, while sticking your face dangerously close to a chainsaw didn't give that away."

"Oh well, you seem to be irritated! I don't see why not! You always told me to express myself."

"You know that's not how I meant it."

"What am I supposed to read your mind?"

"You do anyways."

"Oh yeah."

"So, I've decided to punish you."

"You punish me? Hikari how on earth do you think you're going to do THAT? Don't forget I own YOU not the other way around!" I laughed as he sat down, like he was waiting for something. I hated when my hikari looked like he was up to something diabolical. Like something I would do. It unnerved me. Greatly.

Then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it yami you just stay there okay?" Ryou got up. I hated the look on his face, that smile that almost looked like mine.

"Who is it Hikari?"

"It's your punishment."

"HEEEEY! Bakura, Ryou called me and said you needed a friend so I told him I'd happily come over!"

Oh Fucking Hell...Anzu...

I have to go now...This sharp object that has made its way into my hand is beckoning me closer to her face so I may plunge it into her head.

I told you my hikari was a conniving bitch. And if I didn't, well Ijust did.

xxx

_Leo: Yep, there ya go, by next chapter you shall find out what Bakura has done to Anzu! Bwahahaha! But you must wait my lovelies!_


	23. Malik's Reply

_Leo: Heh heh I thought I would prolong your wait and make you suffer! bwahahaha! Actually I just didn't have time this last week. I sowwy...But here's the next one! The ever so waited Malik reply chapter!_

**Malik's Reply**

Well though I'm sure some poor Anzu fanatic out there is probably crying, I'm laughing on the inside. You see, I just got back from Anzu's funeral, where I desecrated her grave and such. It was great. I can't remember seeing anyone actually crying, except in joy. Now I saw a lot of that.

YOu see, after Ryou decided to unleash her into our home. I, in all of my mighty wisdomness, picked up the nearest deadly item, happen to be an potato peeler...And you know I STILL can't believe I managed to convince the police officer it was an accident. I mean there was blood in every room in that house, the garage, and hell even the next door neighbor's cat! It was a victory for mankind I tell you. And so I'm now in my room, checking my lovely email so I can share more amusement with you.

And of course, like always there is amusement to be shared! GUess who replied! Yep yep! That's right! MALIK! My good buddy who I bash all the time. You know I seriously didn't think they were even allowed to email from the mental hospital. But alas, he is and her's what he replied with!

**From: SoulLostinDarkness.**

**To: Bakur the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: BAAAAAKKKKKKUUUUUURRRRRAAAAA! HELP MEEEE!**

Bakura! OMG you're still alive? Wow, who knew you'd survive after all the people you get pissed off at you. But that's not the point! You need to get me out of here! This place is freaking me out! I'm telling you! Walls are not supposed ot be bouncy! My WALLS are bouncy! That's not normal! I may have lived in a cave all my life but I know walls are not bouncy! And This jacket is fucking freaky! It has sleeves that go behind it! That's not normal! I know that's not! Why am I here Bakura! I'm not delusional am I? I mean hell I'm talking to an ancient spirit! That's not delusion! Is it? Oh hell, don't let them shoot that stuff up in me again! It makes me see everything weird. Where's Marik? Do you know if he came back? He said that he would haunt me into the end of eternity and come back eventually. If you've seen him around the shadow realm, since I know Yami sends you there at least once a week, could you tell him his hikari needs him very badly? I mean I'm sure he'd help me in some way...Uuuuh...I think I need a paragraph break.

Typing with your tongue can get hard if you can't see you know, they won't let me take the jacket off because they think I'll try to hurt my self. I was only clipping my nails! I was not stabbing my self repeatedly in the leg with a knife! I didn't even have a knife! Where do you get a knife around HERE! And now my nails are long enough to paint foo-foo colors and call myself a chick. I Don't want that! I know I have girly tendencies but I don't wanna make it worse! BAKURA! Help me!

My head hurts now. I think they heard me screaming as I typed this. I keep forgetting that you can't hear me verbally. I'm not used to these computer things yet. Hell I don't even know if half of what I'm typing is right either.

By the way I heard about Anzu. Bakura, If I was a chick, or you were a chick, I'd make out with you the first moment I saw you. I promise you I would. Ah hell if I ever get out of here I kiss you anyways! Man or not man! You are worthy of it for what you did to her!

OH SHIT! They're back with that stuff in that needle! Shit I have to go! Come rescue me Bakura please? As your fellow Psycho!

SAVE MEEEEE!

Malik.

x..x..x

I sighed. With a plead like that who am I to resist? I HAVE to get him out now. I click reply.

**From: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**To: SoulLostinDarkness.**

**Subject: RE: fine i'll help you, shut up.**

Fine Malik, I'll bail you out. But you owe me twent bucks after this.

Over an out.

Bakura.

x..x..x

Yeah I kept it short, mainly because I had to start planning you know. Well I have to go start looking up ways to save Malik's sorry ass.

XXX

_Leo: Yep, so the next one is Marik's reply, yep that's right. He's baaack!_

_Also if you are a FMA fan too, then I recently put up some screen caps on my forum from the movie, and for Fruits Basket lovers I got screen caps for that too onmy forum. If you're curious there a link on my profile to my forum!_


	24. Marik's Reply

_Leo: This would be the long awaited next chapter! Don't ask me how the hell Marik got an email address. I really can't explain Marik's weird habits. But all I can say is that he's back so wootah! Oh and I like totally typed this in my 2nd period class, so like don't hate on me if there are some typos._

**Marik's Reply**

To start I must comment on how I have no idea how I even managed to look up Marik's email. I think actually it was a guess that turned out to be right. How did I know it was Marik? Mainly because only Marik would come off with insults the way he did. You know how ...scary he can be with that freaky face warp thing.

Oh and on a completely different case, I managed to save Malik from jail, or rather, the psych ward. He was so pathetic looking. I mean he looked like he was ready to die. But then again the needle he had to his throat, in a threat to make them go away, had nothign to do withit...Nope, nothing at all. So long story short I send the people, wellmost of the staff to the shadow realm. And walked out with Malik clinging to me like his life depended on it. Now, he lives in my closet, where Ryou still has yet to find out he is in there.

Back to Marik though. You know where ever he is, he must be really depressed because his email was typed with a black background and blood red letter. Also the banner at the bottom that says "I hate the world". In a strange way I actually did think Marik was cool. But his level of pyschoness has reached new limits, as I shall prove:

**From: MarikOwnsTheWorld.**

**To: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: How did you find me?**

Well, what are you now, a stalker Bakura? I bet it took you a long time to find some of those addresss. But you're a creepy little bastard like that aren't you? What ever. Yeah I know my face does that creepy thing you don't even have to say it for me to know it. Bakura, where is my lovely Hikari? You have him don't you! I'm going to kill you if you do I swear! I will! I've sent you to the shadow realm before! I can do it again. Then again I don't have my god card anymore so...it doesn't matter I could stomp you with the cards I do have. Even if I stole them from a five year old and the strongest card is Thousand Eyes Illusionist...But that is NOT the point.

Oh and where is my Rod! ...Not that one you sicko. I mean my Millenium Rod! I know my Hikari knows! And you really ought to tell me where he is before I go mental. Wait. I've accompished that one already. Damn. Shut up Bakura, I know you're cackling at me right now. I spent too much time listening to you and hikari talk like stupid ignorant highschoolers.

And how dare you hate the hair! You're just mad that I beat you in eccentric hair! That mine is MORE spiky than your ever will be! So in your face, thief! By the way, have you gotten your ass kicked by any of the people that you've sent hateful letters to? That would be quite funny. At least to me.

Oh and Bakura, your shirts inside out I thought you might wanna know.

Marik.

x..x..x

Wait, my shirt is inside out! I spun around and loe and behold marik is sitting in the tree outside my window with a lap top. How he managed to make that balance I'll never know. I walked over and opened my window, looking at him with a glare that I hoped would have slaughtered him if looks could kill.

"Marik...What ARE you doing outside of my window?" I asked him and he, awkwardly I might add, climbed in through my window, with his lap top in hand.

"Oh nothing, actually I was replying to your email, then I decided to stalk you instead so that you might tell me where my hikari is!" He replied, shaking his pants loose from treebark and bugs, all on to my floor. Thank you Marik, I appreciate it so much.

"You have quite the one track mind don't you?"

"Yes. Now can you tell me where he went?"

I sighed and pointed. "Closet." Was all I said, then proceeded to walk downstairs.

"Ryou, I've decided to disown all of my friends."

"That's nice Bakura."

"And I think I'm going to kill them too."

"That's nice Bakura."

"Oh and I got a sex change."

"That's nic- WAIT WHAT?" He looked up from his book with a shocked and probably scared expression.

"Kidding." I snorted. "By the way, when you see marik drag Malik down the stairs, pay no attention to it, it's best not to get involved. I'm going to find Seto and Pharaoh Baka, now."

"I thought you said you were disowning your friends?"

"I refuse to use the word 'friends' with them, so they're exempt."

"What ever you say Bakura."

After he finished talking I both watched Marik drag Malik away on his shoulder, with Malik screaming something about penguins. I should have left him in that mental hospital.

Yep, disowning all my friends. Yep, I think that's a good Idea.

* * *

_Leo: I don't know what spawned that, but I was spawned, I think I got some odd looked from the people who happened to be watching me type this...You know people here don't exactly know what anime is, let alone the fanfiction for it. Geeze I'm so deprived here. But luckily I have a three day week end! Yay!_


	25. Pegasus' Reply

_Leo: Sorry bout the long wait my lovelies! I've been trying to catch up on my other fics, and I'm going through to edit them so I can be error free!_

_I've decided upon a Pegasus reply after all. Thanks to a person mentioning they wanted to read one, you probably know who you are :3! So here's to you!_

**Pegasus' Reply**

You wouldn't believe my luck. I mean seriously. Thanks to my wonderful buddy, Kaiba, I managed to get my hands on Pegasus' email address! I should have known he would have his own email provider...I shouldn't be shocked. And really, if I'd used my brain, for the first time in what modern people like to refer to it as: eons, then I'd have totally figured it out!

And so, I send him my message. Including my thoughts and opinions on everyone. I may be opinionated, but I'm damn right in my beliefs! And you all know it! I mean, other wise you might have deemed this "complete shit, spit at your computer screen and clicked the 'flame' button. You know the one many people mistake the 'review' button for? I'm telling you; there is a 'flame' button...because when you click it you get a pop up that says, "you're an asshole, and your computer will self detonate in ten minutes." I swear it happened! I was curious...and I got a new computer out of it...so it's all good.

Either way, I was quite surprised when he replied! I was almost ready to jump out of my computer chair, which hikari says is destroying my back because I have it set so low on the floor. So sue me, It's because I have a cheap piece of crap desk that's holding together by paperclips and scotch tape...Don't ask how that works...

I readily clicked on the email to open it up. Yahoo is rather annoying sometimes. Especially when you want to reply and it takes forever for it to come up...

And the email reads:

**From: Pegasus(AT)funnybunny(DOT)com...(told you it was ridiculously easy to figure out!**

**To: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: Greetings Bakura-boy!**

Greetings and salutations my good friend! I'm completely in understanding of what you say, my boy, however the mafia no longer accepts me because I once bounced a five dollar check when I was younger. I was forced to give up my eye patch to the nurse...They gave me a glass eye instead...Oh yes, speaking, weren't YOU the one who took my millennium eye? No hard feelings however, I suppose you had your reasons.

And Bakura-boy! Funny bunny is just darling! How can you NOT just simply love him! Such amusement brings out the child in you and I think you need some child in you! I know! I'll make a duel monster's card just for you! It'll feature a chibification effect! Just like toon world, so you can have all the wonders of child-ness! Ooh! And I could put a chibi version of you on it! Now don't you think that would be just darling!

And I'm sure, in your delusion you'll contract with many obedient servants willing to let you simply tread all upon them! And it's quite fun actually! You know! I should build an amusement park! I could do so just to spite Kaiba! Oh I shall!

300 grand? My, my, you aim so low! Oh dear! I'm not Kaiba-boy here! I do think I could offer to pay you off for more than that at least!

Oh my look at the time! I've got my Yoga and drug therapy in ten minutes! Tsk! I must be going now!

Ta ta!

Pegasus.

x..x..x

Ohhh kay...He's scary...slightly...though I think I've been scared by worse...then again the thought of him twisting himself up into a pretzel...No that doesn't set well in my mind...

I click reply, against my will.

**To: PegasusATfunnybunnyDOTcom**

**From: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: Call me Bakura-boy again and I'll take the other eye.**

Yeah hi, you're weird and yes I'm the one who took the millennium eye...But dude, if you want it back you can have it...Let Isis bother you instead of me. I think she's crazy...Stark raving mad even. Pharaoh this Pharaoh that! Geeze! That chick needs to expand her vocabulary...Oh shit! I have a test in school tomorrow on vocabulary! Crap! I'll never remember it now!

Bah, okay besides that, you better not put me on a card all cutefied! I'm SEXY! Not cute! A kitten is cute, a puppy is cute, Ryou is cute, I am SEXY! Well...Hmmm...I do believe that was it...Oh wait, how bout 600 grand? That sit better with you?

Bakura aka God. (I swear it!)

xxx

I clicked send and that's when the conversations began. He's now added to my cool people list. Consisting of currently: Kaiba, Yami(begrudgingly), Yugi, Malik, Marik and Pegasus. And Oh goody! He gave me Isis's email address in the last one too! Bwaha! Who knew she had email? I know I should have asked Malik...But something tells me that might have sounded awkward...

Alas, I shall send her my little ranting now...Bwaha! Yay for personalized Spam! Though I don't think I would eat it...it looks like cat food...

XxX

_Leo: Well there ya go! Only five more chapters of his guys! Well more like 6, including the final chapter...But don't be sad, I'm sure there's another fic I'll come up with to make up for this one!_


	26. Otogi's Reply

**Otogi's Reply**

Hello again my pretties! I've returned yet again to bear more exciting news in regards to idiots who wish to reply to my endless ranting about them. Okay well it does end...Not in my head it doesn't...Oh if ONLY my hands could move as fast as my brain rotates...I'd have a damn bible of ranting already. And you know you'd read it you obsessive little mortals. Don't get me wrong. I do love you all!

But seriously, I must continue, simply because it amuses me as well as you. I have recently received a reply from Otogi! Of all people! You know one of the ones I said really is a loser...well sort of? You know, I noticed something funny...Most of the people I totally bitched out haven't replied yet...But Malik told me that his sister has a near book coming my way...Apparently she's pissed...Or just PMSing ...I really don't know the difference...

So alas, I open le email from dice freak.

**From: dice1(AT)ddmonsters(DOT)com (lucky bastard has his own official website)**

**To: Bakura the spirit thief**

**Subject: RE: insert witty retort here. (I swear that's that the subject says!)**

Hello Bakura, if I'm not mistaken weren't you supposed to be on medication? I could have sworn...Maybe Ryou didn't tell you he was slipping it in your drinks...I guess that would explain a few things...

Oh and no I don't have girly earrings! Just the dice...Seriously. I swear on Shizuka's life. Okay technically I am lying...I have rose ones too, but those were SOOO not my idea! Honest! My grandparents think I'm a girl apparently...

And so what if I'm not smart! You haven't beaten Yami yet either! ...

Oh god please don't hurt me...I didn't mean it...

And HEY! I'm much more useful than Honda! That's cruel to even SAY! Even from you! I'm not saying you're a bad person per say (just a bit deranged and psychotic) but that's meant in a good way! I swear! Oh and dude, I don't even belong in the same category with those other idiots! And the eyeliner thing wasn't an accident!

I have to agree with you on just about everyone else though... By the way I actually hate Shizuka...I do it to piss off Jounouchi and Honda...Not to mention show Honda that he's THAT Much of a loser he can't even get an ugly chick. Eek...she reminds me of Anzu.

Speaking of Anzu, THANK YOU GOD for killing her! I'd bow down to you if I could...However I'm currently on the subway and that might look a tad odd...

And what ARE you talking about? Ever since you stuffed me in my locker and flogged me with a ruler I've been more submissive than and obedient bitch...Hell...I've become your obedient bitch! You're just complaining for the sake of it now aren't you?

Bakura's obedient bitch,

Otogi.

x...x...x

Yeah...I guess I forgot to mention that I kinda already DID beat him into submission...Well come on! Things happen! I forget...Though I think it was kinda funny when I forgot I'd stuffed him in his locker and he was there for two days...Apparently my hikari didn't find it so funny when he got blamed for it...I'm just simply evil!

Either way. Now that I have shared that with you I must go tend to other matters! Like my group project where we must build a life size art project. Just wait til the teacher sees that we're building a life size paper mache statue of the Blue Eyes...Kaiba won that round of paper, rock, scissors... therefore he got to pick the monster...Lucky bastard.

Well, until next time my lovelies!


	27. Isis's Reply

**Isis's Reply**

Eh, I sit before this thing I call my computer, of which it seems to own me now. I would call it horrible, but actually I kinda like it! You get to meet lots of people who seem to agree with me, but this isn't about that. Oh and thank you my lovely worshippers for your kind emails! It gives this poor demented soul something to do! And so I'll entertain you more with an update on response activity!

As Malik said, his sister has indeed responded, and she's a flipping psycho! She rants and raves like no body I've ever met! And OMG she repeats herself too! But allow me to show you exactly what she has written.

**From: ForelornProphet.**

**To: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: FUCK YOU BAKURA!**

I'd like to speak in defence of myself to your absurd accusations! I don't appreciate how you've 'attacked' me! I've done nothing that deserves your horrible attitude toward me! You are an arrogant person and I can't rightfully let you speak such things with out defending myself!

I'm not a duelist Bakura! So don't slander my abilities becuase I don't care about them! They don't matter to me like other things I live for! Just because you think you are so great a duelist doesn't mean I have to be PERFECT, or change my ways to be more like you! Picking on my inabilities is simply to make yourself feel better, since I can come up with original moves, that you can't!

And what now I have to DRESS like you too? Don't you just think you're perfect! Well if my outfit HURTS you so much then stop looking at me! Just because I don't wear a striped shirt and a cover coat doesn't mean I'm lower than you! You're just jealous that MY outfit is more pleasing to the eye than yours is.

And what I'm not allowed to have someone as my main focus? My job is to make certain the Pharaoh fulfills his destiny! Sorry if I have different ideas than you! If you don't like it then you don't have to think about it. Who are you to be so rude about it? You think you're special just because you're a spirit?

My ability to speak if none of your business but what's the problem with it? Are you jealous that I can speak perfect japanese when you STILL think 'baka' means 'cool' ? Several people have looked at this message and agreed with me that you had no right to say the things you did! You're a pathetic person Bakura, if you only think to bring down others in order to make yourself feel better!

I gave my Tauk away for the greater good! And if you cannot respect that than you are nothing but a child Bakura! You need to grow up and realize that your sniveling behavoir is nothing but annoying! What I do is not to impress other people or make them like me, but to fulfill my goal and insure that the future is secured! You are too arrogant to see that the world does not revolve around you!

And leave Rashiid out of this! He's done nothing wrong and thus deserves no harsh critique from you! You're pathetic Bakura.

Get a life.

x.

Isis.

**x..x..x**

Okaaaaay...She's a fucking psycho...and HOW DARE SHE! I AM TOO THE CENTER OF THE REVOLVING UNIVERSE! The world DOES revolve around me! But whatever... Who would you people believe over me and her? Seriously, I know she's crazy, if she thinks I'm jealous of her! Hah! Laughable! The only thing I'm jealous of is the fact that I can't be the person who finally throws his fist into her face. Kaiba has claimed rights to do that first...

Man she is a stupid hypocrit...and redundant too! I TOLD you she repeats herself! GAH! I wonder why Malik hasn't commited suicide...No wonder he went crazy and split into two personalities...I still have no idea how we all managed to get separate bodies...Isis apparently thinks it gives her a better chance to run me over with her car...At least that's what Malik told me...But then again he also said she was PMSing...

Well since she's too much of an annoying bitch and will probably go on repeating herself, thinking she's right I'll simply delete that email. She's annoying...

...GOD DAMN IT...

She's now stalking my online journal! That BITCH! Fuck, now I gotta go bitch her out and tell her to get the fuck off my blog...

Until next time my lovely readers (worshippers).

xxx

_Leo: Okay, most of that letter Isis wrote was modeled after something someone kept spamming up my LJ with. The major difference is, I didn't insult this person like Bakura did and half the shit they said I never even brought up, so this chapter, was my way to relieving irritation that this stupid individual who thought it would be cute to bring their friends to my LJ and gang up on me, by sending rude comments to me and anyone who decided to reply to my post. So yeah...Imagine Isis is the person and I am Bakura...imagine how irritated I would be..._

_By the way, I apologise for not posting sooner! I was having a hard time emotionally and I wasn't feeling up to doing anything. But pretty soon this fic will be done...I'm almost sad to see it go...But I must. I'll make these last ones really good for you guys! I love you all for actually liking this SHIT of a fanfiction!_


	28. Mai and Shizuka's Replies

**Mai and Shizuka's Replies**

Hello my darlings! It is I, your wonderfully godly Bakura! Back to make more people happy at the expense of others! And here I bring you the very unimpressive replies of the two girls, besides Anzu, of whom I think should suffer horrible deaths. Anzu's special, she deserves to listen to herself in HELL. That would be sufficient torture I think.

Also in addition to the unimpressive replies I have a few more things to point out about these two in terms of complete bashing, (or as I should call it cold hard facts, because I know you agree with me, no?).

Well, it's come to my attention that Mai, later on with out my knowledge developed...a gangster accent! zOMG! (Yes I'm perfectly allowed to get away with using Internet nerd acronyms.) It's bad enough Jounouchi's accent is horribly American, even though he's CLEARLY Japanese. WHY did she have to pick up one too! Is it me or is there something wrong with that? I mean yeah, I know you're thinking, "Bakura your hikari has an accent too," but that is NOT the point! Oh my god! Not EVEN close! AT least Ryou's is CUTE (shudder)! From what I heard Mai sounded like she was a New York street punk (or in her case street slut).

And I'm horribly shocked with myself for forget to harp on the fact that she, indeed, collects harpies! For fuck's sake! That is a horrid deck! A personally despise decks that require so much, attention to one stupid card. And if I do, at least I know how to WIN with it. My god, I'm surprised she ever got anywhere dueling! Oh and that thing where she used her perfume! I'm thinking maybe we should call HER the dog! I mean really! The only way she would have been able to tell the scents apart, when they've had the chance to intermingle and become was awfully gnarly smell, is if she had a dogs nose, or took the card and stuck it up her nose, and we all know she's not THAT stu-...Nope, I won't even give her any credibility for her limited intelligence.

And that damn duel against Anzu! I don't care how nice you're trying to be! You do NOT let Anzu win! No, you defeat her, mug her for all her money, cards (like they're good anyways), etc, and then send her to the shadow realm. The end! But NOOOO Mai had to go and make herself look stupid by letting Anzu-dead-bitch win! Mai automatically loses brownie points for that.

Her very 'elegant' (I say that with absolute sarcasm intended) reply to my very limited bashing mail follows as:

From: harpy.ladies.mai.

To: Bakura the spirit thief.

Subject: RE: F#& You. (oh VEEERY original...at least I'm ballsy enough not to censor it...)

Bakura,

Hon, you really need a life, I don't care what you think. You're acting more retarded than Jounouchi, and THAT is a sad statement. If you're bored you ought to go crawl into a hole and thing about the ASSHOLE that you are! I have nothing more to say to you, except to leave these people alone. You're a very pathetic person.

Fuck You,  
Mai.

x.x.x

First of all...No, I take no offers from women who can't decide what their real country of origin is, nor do I care about the opinion of an underrated duelist who's more hated than me! Hell, unlike HER I have a FANBASE! ...Of COURSE I'm referring to you my lovelies! (Though I prefer to call it worshipping, it boosts my already massive self-esteem. Being the greatest thief and badass EVAR, has that effect.)

Next on my list of hate, is Shisuka! (Spelled wrong on purpose).

Due to the fact that I detest her and her overly cheery ways, I've decided to hate on her more too! (Actually I'm just really bored.) But this girl is probably THE worst thing since Richard Simmons! She's almost as bad as Anzu! And Related to Jounouchi too! I know I said that before, but it's so bad it must be repeated twice.

This girl is so fucking naive! zOMG! If I told her Kaiba's elite fleet of penguins was going to take over the world using Tomahawk Missiles and neon green silly string she would probably believe it! And I noticed with her, unlike the other chicks who have at least dueled ONCE, she doesn't even know HOW to play the game! OMG! That's offensive to ANY player that a girl who does not even know the name of one damn card should be cheering on someone who owns in that game! (It took a lot of pride breaking for me to say that because you all know I was totally referring to Yami as the person who owns at the game.)

I am considering destroying her from the face of this earth too. That way she can join Anzu in FREAK heaven. Oh hell, if Anzu is in Heaven then I'm going to go commit mass genocide and join Hitler in hell. (Even though he was a complete bastard...Geeze...Let's kill lots of people because I'm a psycho and want to! GOD! You at least need to have a REASON! You see I have one...I've been imprisoned in a fucking piece of costume jewelry for 3000 plus years!). Yeah...Let's pray for the rest of humanity that she is not in Heaven.

And now for her retarded response!

From: I.secretly.stalk.ryou. (WTF?)

To: Bakura the spirit thief.

Subject: RE

Um...why do you hate me again?

x.x.x

OMG! I'm not kidding! That's exactly what the response was! Oh my fucking god! The whole purpose in sending that was to tell her why I hated her, and she, wants to know why! WTF! You see why I think this girl is a DIPSHIT! There are limits to the amount of stupid you can be. And I think she's all but broken through it with a rubber mallet! There is no justice...

Okay, so as a response, I resent the attachment. I hope the bitch got the message this time! Idiot.

And so my lovelies, that concludes today's bash fest.

* * *

_Leo: Sorry it took so long...I've been having a hard time getting on my computer for leisure, seeing as how ALL of my teachers choose to have the big projects at the last week before exams! WTF!_

_SEQUEL IDEA: I require your opinion!_

_...It's getting close to the finale of this marvelous adventure! But I think perhaps I may continue it, though! I want your opinions though, before I put this plan into motion! I'm thinking of doing another version of this story, however with audience participation! In other words, you write Bakura an email, asking a question or commenting on how Bakura feels about these other folk, and he shall reply to you! (Not disclosing your email address of course) I will call this story: "Mail from the fan club". This will make a whole new adventure of Bakura finding things to bash the characters about! So, for instance if you have a thought about a character Bakura did not mention you could comment on that. If you like this idea and want to participate tell me what you think in your review! Much love to you guys! You're wonderful!_


	29. Haga and Ryuzaki's Replies

**Haga and Ryuzaki's Replies**

Okay, It leaves a bad taste in my mouth to have THESE two be the last victims in my bitch fest, before I finally close the book on this overscaled display of my insaneness, so I shall make it quick...And then progress to better things! Bwaha!

First I have a few more nits and picks to lay on Ryuzaki (If I'm splling his name wrong then good, I don't care). Okaaay, here we go. Bringing back the subject of Mai...He lost to her...because of her stupid perfume card trick, that was completely stupid anyways...since she has a 9 to 10 chance of picking a harpy ANYWAYS...Even though you're only allowed to have three in your deck. She cheats...And he fell for it. That's unforgiveable. I mean WTF? How stupid areyou allowed to be before you finally break something...namely a brain? Geeze...There is just no helping some of these people.

I think he should have been left on Duelist Kingdom...That's what his punishment should have been. (Yes I've finallycome up with one worthy). You see, because thenhe would be forced to do oen ofthree things. Make like a Dinosaur and eat grass to live on. Make like a Bigger Dinsaur and eat other peopel who come on the island.Or make like a bandit andtry to break into Pegasus's mansion, get caught, and be shot my Mafia Pegasus. Yes, that would be awesome...That would be aSurvivor epsode I would watch! (Since the rest of Surivoris utterly retarded from a sane person's viewpoint...or in mycase INSANE person's viewpoint...)

So alas, the fool DID reply...And I'm starting to think he and Shizuka should get together as his reply was:

**From: DinoBinary11010101** (WTF? How...random).

**To: Bakura the spirit thief.**

**Subject: RE: Huh?**

Dude? Who are you again? If this Haga spamming up my email again I'm gonna whoop your buggy ass! Dude...Didn't I tell you to quit sending me the forwards and Porn?

x.x.x

And soI shake my head in disbelief and resend the file. Followed by adding his name to my spam box. I don't even WANT to know how he replies to that. Idiocy seems to jump from short distances...Idon't wanna catch it...I'm too cool to come down with Retardedness...

I think I've mostly covered the other retard. Maybe except for how lame it was when hethrew Exodia in the Ocean...Pfft...I would have stolen the pieces andsold then...Exodia is a waste of time...It's SO easy to destroy...But what ever people want it...so that was stupid to throw it in the ocean...Idiot...

Either way, that idiot did not reply.So I will stick to the turning into a fly bit...He should have, not Jeff Goldblume...whohas a Macintosh...Therefore ranks high up there.

I guessbug nutrealizes it is true. Either thator he's molesting his bug cards aswe speak. Yeah...Let's not think about that...Sigh...

I don't wanna leave you guys...But I haaaaave to...(Because Ryou's REQUIRED me to participate in the annual 'see how much you can make Bakura's life suck' fest...)

(Passes out free 'get one Bakura hug' card)

Use it wisely!

xxx

_Leo: Okay there's onemore chapter every one...WAHHHH! I don't want it to go...But you guys seem to like the idea...If you guys wanna participate then all ya have to do it email me, or pm me. Be sure to tell me whether or not you want me to use you actual account name, if not then please make up one for me to use, in a foot note at the bottom. Write it like an email aside from the footnote! I will make a point of trying to get to ALL of them. And it can be about virtually anything you wanna talk about! Trust me...I'm NOT restricted to any subject! _

_Also I suggest that you often check my profile, because if I'm going to be away for a time, It will say so there. _

_I love you all!; 3 You've made this fun to write! _


	30. Epilogue

_Leo: WAAAH! This is the final chapter before the epilogue...Part of me doesn't want to let it go but I know I must! Be amazed people, for me to actually FINISH something it's considered high up there in miracle points. And upon finishing this monster of a fic, I gained enough exp. to at least use 'tackle' xD!_

**Epilogue**

Welcome back to my waning tale of nothingness, considering there is no focal plot. But don't we all love it that way? (And be sure to tell my editor they're doing a SHITTY job taking all of my spelling errors out, that's right Leo I'm talking to you.)

I'm sort of sad...I Have to let this go, though, or I may over do my awesomeness and become a washed up has been (coughMarikcough). I just thoughtto do some more...well incessant bitching before I go. Since you know I do that Oh so often and you people know you love me for it! Heh. I could probably talk about nothing for hours...Granted that would only spawn another story of its own...Who knew I had a descriptive knack for writing? The pharaoh no baka still laughsat me for this, but then again he's also showing signs of worry! Bwaha! He sees my amount of followers increasing. Now he knows he has something to fear! Bwahaha!

And Kaiba...He's not worried...He wants me tohelphim coax his competition with mypsycho babblingness. In other words, he wants me to write his company letters! Aint that just gold? Yeah! I thought so too! And I even get paid!And I get paid more than Icould steal in a year! Gotta love rich buddies. Though I have to deal with Yami as myletter editor now...since I make more spelling mistakes than god. And he speaks hebrew...which is a spelling mistake initself...(Just joking people...don't take offense to that please...Let's not go on a bad note.)

...Yes I am delaying the inevitable...So SUE me...I'm sad okay? Yes I am capable of real emotions other than hate and intense fury...Granted those look cooler on me.

I hope you all have enjoyed my rampant bashing of all the peopel i'm forced to suffer through listening to...and being around...And also my killing of Anzu. I KNOW you all love me for that accomplishment. And if a ever fill out a job application I will fill that out under achievements and be rewarded instantly with a job. I'm telling you! Not that I need a job, but I'm just saying.

Ah well...now that I've stalled enough I must get down to it. Farewell my darlings! I'm glad you have enjoyed my hate mail as much as I! (For I did indeed find it amusing). And I thank thee for supporting my misbehavoir and generally badness!

And now, I'm off to sort through fan mail...Bwaha! I'm so awesome I get fan mail!Mwahah!

Yami no Bakura, (aka God)

Signing off!

* * *

_Leo: I'm starting the sequel like...soon...very soon...Well this was fun everyone! I LOOOOVE you! ; D! I hope you enjoyed! _


End file.
